My Life

This video is amazing!

...before I go to work. I'm eating breakfast right now, but I know it's been a while since I've written and I just wanted to jot down a bit. Here's what's new in my life.

As of early January, I'm no longer working at Bath and Body Works. I don't mind...some of the girls were just downright bitchy. Though I am glad I got the chance to work at my favorite store in the mall, and to meet people like Juanita and Nancy. They rock. I'm still working at Waldenbooks, and I've been there for 3 months now. Hard to believe! I like it there a lot, but everyone other than management has had their hours drastically cut. I worked 4 hours last week. 4. ONE day. Needless to say, I can't live on that kind of money. So I got in touch with Area Temps and Office Team, and I'm hoping they can find some work for me. On Friday, Office Team sent me to a local union office to do some general office work...filing, preparing the mail, folding letters, etc. And I got paid $9.25/hr. for that, and never once had to answer a phone. Rockage.

I guess what I'm really hoping for is to be hired temp. to perm. I've heard several people say that they got their jobs through a temp. agency, so it can be a pretty good way of finding steady work. I've finally come to accept that trying to find work on my own is fruitless, and I'd have better chances winning the lottery and becoming a millionaire. So yeah, I'm graciously accepting help from the temp. agencies now.

Oh, and Erik is really, really sick right now. He's been in the Wellness Center for the past 2 days with the stomach flu. He's got the fever, puking, and all the other wonderful stuff that comes with it. He told me that when he came down with it, he was so violently ill, he couldn't even walk and had to have someone help him to the Wellness Center...which is literally next door to his dorm. I mean, wow. I feel awful that my baby's so sick and I'm not there to take care of him. But I'm sure he'll start feeling better soon. His I.S. performance is on Friday, so I'm taking Michael down with me and we're gonna see him then. I can't wait!! I've got a little surprise for him, which I think he'll like. I just really, really miss him. He's been on my brain constantly ever since I had to go without seeing him for a month, during Christmas. I really need to get a life sometimes, hah!

Well, gotta finish getting ready for work. Adios!

I'm feeling a multitude of emotions right now - most of them negative - and I think the best thing to do to vent some of them is to just put it all out there. Especially since he isn't here to hear me say it right now, and I'm not sure he even wants to hear it.

I think I'm making a huge mistake.

See, for a while now I've been thinking about dating around and playing the field a bit. Not to have fun, but to see if there really is somebody out there for me - someone who could treat me better than Erik has in the past. I found a couple guys here and there that were interesting, and I had my fun with them, but there was no one I ever even considered dating seriously. Recently, all that has changed. There's this guy I work with, Chris, and he's always been fun to flirt with. For a while it was one-sided...I thought either he wasn't interested in me, or perhaps he was just like most guys - completely oblivious to female attention! Within the past week, though, things have fallen into place and he asked me out. I was flattered, and thrilled that he was finally reciprocating my flirtations, so I said "yes" almost without even thinking. Soon after, I called Erik and told him about the situation and that he and I were over. He took the news calmly, as I think he'd been expecting it for some time. He told me he just wanted me to be happy, and wanted me to date this other guy so that if things didn't work out, I could come back to him again with the satisfaction of knowing I didn't let the opportunity pass me by.

For the first couple days, I was happy with my decision. Even looking forward to starting over with Chris. Then I started to think about BTB (a.k.a. Buck-toothed Bitch, or the infamous Natalie). If Erik and I were broken up, I knew the bitch would seize her chance to take him and make sure I never have him again. So I called Erik and asked him if he planned on dating BTB. At first it was a maybe. But as we talked more, by the end of the conversation he was almost guaranteeing he was going to ask her out and start dating her. Why? According to him it's because, a) she's the only girl that knows he exists, b) she's something new and exciting, and c) it's something to keep him from becoming depressed while I date Chris. He still stands by what he's said earlier, which is that she's got nothing on me. She's into politics, and Erik abhors it. She listens to emo and rap, and Erik's not such a big fan of that. (And with Erik and I, music was a very huge aspect of our relationship.) Plus, I've got 3 years on her, yadda yadda yadda. Even so, the thought of him eating meals with her, cuddling and watching movies with her, and having sex again with her...it makes me want to curl up and die. No joke.

That's not really the worst of it, though. As I'm getting to know Chris better, I'm finding out little things about him that are a bit disturbing. I kinda figured he'd be a virgin - after all, he's a pastor's kid! But from what he's told me, it's not so much that he's shunned sex. He just has never had the opportunity! And get this. He's NEVER BEEN KISSED. EVER. And he's supposedly had 3 girlfriends! I don't understand it. It just reeks of something disturbing. If no one else has touched him up until this point - and he's 23 years old! - then, what is the reason?

After all of this, the chemistry I once used to feel around Chris just isn't there very much. Now that he's finally returning my advances, I'm not so sure I like it. Tonight, as we sat in the dark movie theater and watched the Jim Carrey movie "Yes Man," I wished that it was Erik's shoulder I was resting my head on. When he held my hand, it felt all wrong. And as the movie drew to a close, playing Journey's "Separate Ways" (one of my classic favorite songs!), the true message of the film started to emerge. Saying yes is a great thing, but one should be careful what they say yes to because there are consequences to each decision we make. And "yes" is not the right answer for every situation.

I'm realizing I may have been a little too quick to say "yes" this time.

PHEW! I made it! Though I've been dreading it for weeks now, I finally worked my first day at both the bookstore and Bath and Body Works. My day started at 9. I got up and ready for work, picked up a SoBe No Fear so I could have energy throughout the day, then went right to Waldenbooks. They handed me the money and keys to the Calendar Store and told me to open up - eeeeek! I had so many questions...how do you get the gate up all the way? How do you open the cash register? Which light switches do I flip on? Where the hell do we keep the paper rolls for the cash register?! But I was able to call Alex and Cale and get help from them, so it was all good. After an hour, I went back to Waldenbooks and stayed there until the last half hour of my shift, when they sent me down to the calendar kiosk. It was a really laid-back crew for most of the day...Cale, Chris, Alex, Aleece, Melanie, Karen, some other girl (don't know her name yet!) and me. Alex and Melanie went home pretty early, but I really enjoyed working with the rest of them. Chris and I were talking about how he used to be in drama club, and Aleece and I shared bad roommate stories. Those guys make it fun to work! And the BS'ing definitely made my day go by quickly.

After Waldenbooks, I went into the back room, finished the other half of my chicken sub, started drinking the SoBe, and then visited Chris over at the calendar store before starting my shift at BBW. I wanted to kill some time, and Chris is fun to talk to. He's adorably nerdy, and what's more, his dad is the new reverend at our church! He keeps telling me to come to church, lol. I haven't been there regularly in YEARS. Seriously, it's been 5 years. I've gone sporadically during that time (during holidays, when Mom makes me, lol!). But now that Chris is there, who knows. I might start going again.

Anyway, sorry about that tangent. Back to the work day! I started at BBW at 6. We were doing floorsets, and everyone was dressed down in their sweatpants and t-shirts. Too bad I didn't get the memo! I was wearing my nice white ruffly top and gray pinstripe pants! But yeah, it was kind of a bonding experience with the other girls. Even though no one wanted to stay up late and work that hard, it kind of struck me as similar to sorority initiations! Not that I'd know about that or anything...lol. But yeah, they gave us each a partner to work with, and our job was to take stuff off of one table and begin assembling a new one. I was partnered with Amanda (who's worked for BBW the longest of anyone at our store - score for me!), who knew pretty much where to find all the products we needed from the back room. She and I were very efficient. We filled up the octagon table at the middle of the store - pretty much one of our centerpieces. We were supposed to stock it according to the diagram sent to us by Corporate, but that was really hard considering we were missing several items (home fragrance oil, room spray, Winter Candy Apple *anything*). But we improvised, and with our SM's help, we got it looking awesome. I started feeling pretty exhausted about halfway through it, though. My stomach hurt and I felt like I was gonna pass out in the back room! I had to take a time out and relax. But after that I got right back to work and helped with sweeping and trash collection. It was a loooooong, long night. But I felt really proud by the end of it. I'd helped in making the store look nice! Plus, it was nice getting to know Amanda a little better. I'm hoping she'll continue to be an ally for me in the future. It's good to have people to back you up when dealing with snotty customers.

But yeah, that was my night. As for today, I was supposed to work from 12:30 to 5:30, but Dana called and told me they wouldn't need me. I was so relieved! My feet STILL hurt this morning when I woke up, and I desperately needed some "me" time. Not that I've done much with it, LOL! I've pretty much sat here on the computer all day. I made some eggnog earlier from that mix Nella got me last Christmas (it's sooo good!), and I'm thinking in a little while I might play some Sims 2. It's not as much fun to play now with 2 adults and 3 kids to control. But still, it's nice to see me and Erik's "virtual family." :) HeatherSim is about to officially become an elder! I wonder what I'll look like with gray hair? ErikSim drank some of the Elixir of Life, so he's about 3 days (roughly, years) younger than HeatherSim. I think that's great, because it perfectly reflects our age difference in real life! But yeah, our family now consists of an adult daughter, teenage son, and younger son. It's fun watching them grow up!

Ok, ok. I've rambled long enough. Time for some Simming!

What a whirlwind. I'm just so glad it's over and done now! I think I'll be content if I never participate in these kinda retail festivities for the rest of my life. I was only working for 5 hours, but it felt more like 5 days. There were so many people in the store, and I was constantly in motion, so I was sweating like crazy. And then my feet and legs absolutely ached when I left. I came home and just crashed in the chair in the living room, watched some TV (caught up on my Living with the Wolfman episodes...I love that show!), and ate my lunch. That was followed by hours of unadulterated sleep. Ahhhhhhhh.

I really dreaded having to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to get ready for work. I wanted to make sure I got to the mall no later than 5:30 (my call was 5:45) so that I'd have plenty of time to put on my apron and name tag, and prepare. Besides, our hiring manager Lenette told us once that if we get there on time, we're late...that we need to get there early. So imagine my surprise when I ring the doorbell to get into the back, and Dana (our pregnant store manager) starts yelling at me before she even opens it, saying, "We already told you guys we were NOT opening the doors before 5:45!" For a split second, I thought maybe I should duck and cover, lol. But I stayed and took the verbal abuse - though not without scowling at her and trying to explain myself - and got ready for my shift, anyway.

But honestly, what kind of way is that to treat your employees? I know I'm only temporary and they probably think they can get away with treating me like dirt, but come on. I woke up EXTRA early to make sure I got my ass there on time, and I get reprimanded for being a good employee! For doing the right thing. I was really enraged by the whole thing. But it will take a lot more to get me to quit, especially in this terrible economy. I just need to build up a thicker skin, take a deep breath, and let little things like this roll off my back. If anything, I can chalk it up to her hormones making her a bitch. Or maybe Dana really is a bitch. I suspect the latter could very well be true.

Tonight I was driving around the neighborhood over by Liquid Planet tonight, and seeing as though I was thirsty, I decided to stop in. I was craving mint like nobody's business, but I wasn't sure if LP had any minty drinks on their menu. Lo and behold, they actually have a seasonal Oreo Peppermint Patty drink! So I went with that, and I was hooked at the first sip. I mean, it was simply amazing. I don't think I've ever felt something so *cool* slide down my throat. It was a very strange (not to mention delicious) sensation. Needless to say, I'll be back there for more in the near future.

And in other good news, I finally managed to pick up a car adapter for my Sansa View mp3 player - and it actually works! I bought a Griffin iTrip a little over a month ago, and despite my high hopes, the device was riddled with static. The only way to avoid the static was to have it touching some part of my body (hey, don't get any ideas) at all times. Needless to say, when I'm driving, I have more important things to worry about than babysitting a shitty piece of technology. Sadly, I took the adapter back to Best Buy and pretty much gave up on my quest for making my mp3 player car-friendly. But after landing my 2 jobs and getting my first paychecks, I decided to go back out and look again. So tonight I went up to Walmart and found a Belkin TuneCast. I was a bit skeptical about it, seeing as though it was about $10 cheaper than the POS I got from Best Buy (the mecca of technology!), and after all, I was getting it from Wallyworld. But from the moment I plugged it into my car lighter, it's worked beautifully! I drove all over the city (hence, why I was out and stopped at LP) and blasted my tunes. I was definitely loving it.

Despite my affection for my new and beloved device, it's apparently gotten terrible reviews online. People complain about static, the same problem I had with my other, more expensive car adapter. So I really hope that tonight's test drive wasn't just a fluke, and that this thing is gonna crap out on me in the future. Ever since getting my mp3 player, there's been a divide in the kind of music I listen to in my car (old CD's, since I haven't really bought any new ones recently) and the vast array of new music I add to my computer's library weekly. Provided that this adapter works, I can finally bring that new music out of my bedroom and into the car! Freakin' sweet.

That's about it for now. I have to be up for work in about 8 hours, so I should definitely get going. The insomniac in me wants to stay up for at least another hour or two and keep adding music to the mp3 player, but hell. I've got all kinds of time off this week. Plenty of time for that!

Hey all! Just thought I'd take some time to talk about what's new in my life. A little over a week ago I started my new jobs at Waldenbooks and Bath and Body Works. I'm really liking them both! There's definitely something fun about retail. It's way more exciting than any office job I've ever had, anyway. My favorite part is being able to connect with the customers in a positive way. This happens mostly at Bath and Body Works, since I'm familiar with our products and passionate about them, too. Just a few days ago, there was this older woman that walked into the store saying she needed to find a gift for her daughter but she wasn't sure what fragrances her daughter would like. Honestly, this is almost exactly the scenario they prepared us for in Holiday training, so I was pumped! I offered to show the woman our holiday gift sets (with the tiny lotions) and explained that they were a great deal for the price, and she agreed! I wasn't expecting her to agree with me so easily, but she seemed glad that I'd shown her that. That's the kind of stuff I enjoy...making a customer's day, or just feeling like I've truly helped them in some way.

And as for the Natalie situation, I'm really not too concerned about that anymore. I made up my mind last week to pick a random day and come down and visit Erik by surprise. It wasn't mainly to surprise him, but to surprise HER if she happened to be hanging out in his room. So I went down there just this past Wednesday, and boy was he surprised when he answered the door! Natalie (or Bucktoothed Bitch, as me and my friends have been calling her) wasn't there, which was probably a good thing. I didn't really want to see her, anyway. In some ways I really want to catch her by surprise and show her that I am still very much in Erik's life, and that there's no getting rid of me. But in other ways, the bitch makes me sick to my stomach and I'd like to never have to deal with her again.

But yeah, as to why I'm not worried. Erik and I went for a little drive to escape his roommate's never-ending Guitar Hero Blast-athon, did a little dance, made a little love (ok, not really the dancing part), and spent some meaningful time together out in the country backroads. We discussed BTB some more, and he reassured me that she means nothing to him and that he still loves me very, very much. For a while I was concerned that she was weaseling her way in, trying to become his best friend and get close to him. But from what he told me, she confides in him a lot more than he confides in her. Also, I guess there's other guys she's interested in that she tells him about. So Erik was saying that she's good for getting information from (i.e. about his cousin Toby), but he doesn't really share the intimate details of his life with her. I guess they've talked about me a couple times (which I'm not happy about, because each time she's said something derogatory about me), but I don't come up that often.

So the way I see it, this girl means pretty much nothing to him. She's someone to hang out with. And if he's desperately horny and I'm not there, I guess she's someone to fuck. (Even then, Erik said the sex was so bad that he'd try and get it from someone else before going back to her!) Pretty much, she's nothing to him. She may think she's something more, but she's severely mistaken. After all, when I look at this objectively, how much sense would it make for someone who's loved me for three years to just randomly leave me for some bimbo that he barely knows and has no feelings for whatsoever? Erik told me that himself, in his own words, "You and I have lived and died together for years now. No one else can touch that."

I think that sums it up pretty well. All that's left for me to do now is keep my chin up and stay strong. This is my opportunity to kick back, relax a bit, and realize that *I* am the girlfriend and that there's nothing that little whore can pull out of her bag of tricks to win him over. It's really that simple.

That's about it for now. I'm gonna eat, get a shower, and hopefully at some point begin that exercise regimen that's been niggling at my conscience for God knows how long. Til next time...

It's really a shame that I never come here to write anymore unless it's something negative. I've actually had quite a few blessings in my life lately...perhaps I should discuss those, too, in all fairness. I got myself two part-time, seasonal jobs at the mall. w00t! Not exactly what I imagined myself doing post-graduation, but it's better than unemployment. It's sad, but so many other people are in the same boat as me right now with the way the economy has been. Anyway, I'm working at Bath and Body Works (kind of a dream of mine for years now!), and I LOVE it! The girls are nice (for the most part), and of course I've always loved their products. The other place I'm working at is Waldenbooks, in the same mall. I pretty much LIVE there now. I'm really enjoying being in retail again, and I didn't think I would! There's just something nice about dealing with people and having positive interactions with them. You just don't get that in office jobs; all the ones I've been at were bland and boring. I see people from all walks of life at my mall jobs, and I love helping them. I feel like I'm getting something really good in return, too.

Another good thing is that I reconnected with an old friend, Heather! (Yes, we have the same name. Get over it, LOL!) We go WAY back. I mean, she and I met when we were both 12 years old and sitting next to each other in Mrs. Borden's English class in the 7th grade. She's by far my longest friend. She and I got into a fight about 3 and a half years ago, and we just stopped talking and drifted apart. But one night I found her online, sent her a message, and voila! It's been so nice catching up with her, and it really seems like we picked up where we left off with ease. She has two children now! I couldn't believe it at first, but her little girls are absolutely gorgeous. And very sweet, too! She's got a third on the way. I told her I'll be there for the birth this time, haha!

Okay, so now onto the venom. I can't hold it in any longer. Where do I begin? Well, Erik and I have been pretty shaky ever since I graduated. Hell, we've *always* been shaky. I think we both thrive on that kind of sick excitement. Anyway. Lately it's been hard to tell where we stand. We still talk all the time and we definitely love each other, but for a while there I was really questioning if I should stay with him or move on and find someone who would treat me better. He told me he couldn't blame me if I looked for someone new because he knew how much he'd hurt me. He maintained that I was the only one he could ever love, and that he would only look to other girls for sex - nothing else. I wasn't too thrilled about it, but what can I do. An open relationship is better than no relationship. I've come to accept that.

So around the beginning of this year, this girl Natalie started hanging out with Erik's roommate, Dustin. She was over at their room all the time. I really didn't think anything of it until one day she posted all kinds of drunk pictures of her hanging all over him - and he didn't seem to mind. I kept calling and calling and calling him that day to find out what had happened that night, and he wouldn't pick up. So I drove down there and we had it out. I asked him what was up, and he said nothing was up. That Natalie was just a friend, that she later realized how bad the pictures looked, and told him she didn't mean anything by it. Blah blah blah.

A few weeks later, I came down to visit Erik for Homecoming Weekend. I ended up staying by myself in his room one night for 5+ hours because he had play rehearsal. Natalie came by with Dustin, and I met her for the first time. Then a few hours later that night, I was cuddling with Erik and watching TV. Dustin came back and told us Natalie's roommate had drank so much, she was being taken to the hospital. Natalie was on the phone freaking out. Dustin invited her to come over, but she didn't want to. Next thing you know, she starts texting Erik, saying, "I could really use someone right now..." Well, obviously he didn't reply back to her. She got upset, and sent him another text about 20 minutes later, which said something to the effect: "I think it's really sad you're with someone who supposedly loves you, but won't trust you enough to let you hang out with your friends when they need you." I. Was. LIVID!

How dare she! How dare anyone just presume that I "supposedly" love him, and that I was the one keeping him from doing ANYTHING! First of all, did she really just expect him to just drop everything and leave me AGAIN that night so he could comfort her? Honestly. That one text message spoke volumes about her immaturity, as well as her selfish desires! It was VERY clear to me then that she wanted to be more than just his friend.

So I wrote her an angry, though somewhat restrained, email. She replied and told me that Erik is nothing but a friend to her, and that my "insecurities" (yes, she actually stooped that low and told me I was insecure) were getting the best of me and making me believe there was something going on there that wasn't. Yeah fucking right.

And just a little while ago, Erik told me that this girl has clairvoyance, and that she apparently has been seeing the ghost of Erik's deceased cousin, Toby. He seems to believe what she's saying, and that Toby has some kind of message for him. How much you wanna bet she's going to tell him that Toby wants him to dump me? I'll bet you $50. Seriously.

That's not the worst of it. They made out at a party. Drunkenly. So I pretty much knew the sex was coming any day now. That happened last Saturday night. He told me about it the next day. And despite his reassurances that she's awful in bed, that it didn't mean a damn thing, and that it probably won't happen again...I was VERY depressed when I heard the news. I mean, honestly. The bitch has pretty much everything she wanted now. Any time he sleeps with anyone, I feel like they have stolen a part of something that is rightfully mine. I guess in this day and age, sex shouldn't mean so much to me. Maybe I'm reading into this way too much. But I just can't stand the thought of someone else with her hands all over the man I love. It's disgusting. It's wrong.

But as far as I know, Erik has told her that he and I are still in a relationship - though it's open. He is NOT looking for another girlfriend, and he is going to be monogamous with me after he graduates this coming May. But I STILL don't think she gets it. The whore won't stop until she has his heart.

Here is what's REALLY bothering me tonight. Her Facebook status message tonight was, "I'm bored of hanging out in your cold." Doesn't seem like much at the outset, does it? But I figured it sounded obscure enough to be a song lyric. I was right. It's from a Dido song called "Stoned." I think you'll need the lyrics to understand why I'm so upset:

"Stoned"
by Dido

When you're stoned, baby, I am drunk
And we make love, it seems a little desolate
It's hard sometimes not to look away
And think what's the point when I'm having to hold this fire down
I think I'll explode if I can't feel this freely now

[Chorus:]
If you won't let me fall for you
Then you won't see the best that I would love to do for you
Instead you will be missing me when I go
Cos' I'm bored of hanging out in your cold

When I feel loved baby, I join the road
And the world moves with me
When I feel lost I just slip away
Silently, quietly take my things and go
And think what's the point, think where's the hope we're coming home

[Chorus]

And if you find one day, find some freedom and relief
With this freedom maybe, maybe you will find some peace
With this peace baby, I hope it brings you back to me
Bring you home, take me home

[Chorus]

Oh, take me home
Oh, take me home
When you're stoned, baby, take me home
Oh...



Hmmmmm...drunken/stoned sex? Sound familiar? Erik told me he was stoned when they had sex, and that it was awful. Apparently she wants to fall for him. I bet she already has. She thinks she can just kick me out of the picture, erase the love he and I have built up over the last three years, and all of a sudden be crowned the most important person in his life. I mean, honestly. The nerve! She might honestly be one of the coldest, most cruel and scheming people I have ever had the displeasure of knowing.

That being said, Erik still says not to worry. It's very hard to, knowing that she goes to his room every single day and sees him way more than I do anymore. Our schedules are so busy, I'm lucky if I get a half hour with him every two weeks. I'm worried that somehow, she'll take my place while I'm gone. Move your feet, lose your seat. God, I hope that's not the case. I guess all I can do at this point is trust him. And pray. I need to do more of that, anyway. I need to have faith that love will win out in the end. After all, her drunken sluttiness is no match for my love. That I'm most definitely sure of.

Tags: and more drama, btb, drama, friends, jobs

And doing relatively well, too. Things at work have pretty much been smoothed over, although I sense that some damage has been done to my reputation that's irreparable. Michele has told me that anything she and I discuss in her office stays within those walls. I don't buy it one bit, though. I saw how she trudged out of her office the other day for a smoke break with the other girls trailing behind her, just waiting to hear the dirt from her, I'm sure. When I'm on breaks with her she'll talk shit about everyone else. I'll admit, I've never heard her repeat something said in a private meeting between her and someone else. But I wouldn't put it past her to let it slip through her loose lips. I just get the sense that Michele doesn't like me as much as she did before. She's seen the chink in my armor - my defensiveness, my quickness to anger, and all my insecurities. This whole week I've felt like I just don't have what it takes to do my job. I'm doing all kinds of things across the board; once I learn one thing, it's right onto the next thing.

I just wish things could go back to the way they were when I first started out and everyone was happy. Granted, Cindy has been her rowdy and funny self for about a week now - pretty miraculous! On my very first day she was lots of fun, but that immediately changed the next day when she was down in the dumps. I've found that Cindy is pretty manic, though most of the time I've been there she's seemed pretty depressed. I have also noticed that whatever mood Cindy's in seems to determine the general climate in my department. Shelly and Jackie are more inclined to laugh if Cindy's talking. So at the very least, things are pretty good between me and the other girls.

I'm still going to continue my job hunt online and look for work elsewhere. What I'm looking for now is a job with a higher pay rate, and perhaps an office with, I dunno, more MEN?! Hahaha. I'm sorry, but working with women is just a BITCH! (No pun intended.) I'm going to make job-hunting my job for however long it takes me to find something I'd truly excel at. I like data entry, but I'm not liking my position right now because of all the pressure being put on me. I do well under pressure if my boss respects me, but too often I feel like Shelly and Michele both look down on me for asking questions. There's SO MUCH to know at this job, it's hard to keep it all straight.

Well, I'm gonna cut this short and do some reading or maybe some more writing...I'm not sure just yet. I'm pretty tired after the volleyball game tonight. Angie showed up again, so it was cool seeing her. Mark was there, but I'm kind of indifferent to him. The new girl, Karen, showed up, and he was very chatty with her in a way that he definitely was not with me. It's okay, I get it. I'm not pretty. She is. I can deal.

I hate this fucking negativity. Most of the time I feel really unlucky, and I know it shouldn't be that way, but I do. I feel like I started this life far behind other girls my age simply by being who I am. And I can pretend to be someone else to propel myself beyond my circumstances, but that can only work for so long, and I end up hating myself by the end of the night. It's so hard to just get by anymore.

I'll try and be more cheerful in my next blog. Promise!

Duh nuh na nuh na nuh na Na!

Yeah. That was fun! Wish my job was, too. I nearly walked out today after the little chat I had in Michele's office with her this morning. Oh, it was awful. She came to work with a bad attitude, and when I tried showing her why the First Energy mixed accounts weren't keyed, she became upset with me in front of the other girls. How unprofessional! So I just stood up and marched to her office and said, "Let's talk in here."

As soon as I shut the door I told her, "I'm at my wit's end with this job." I told her how I felt that she had unrealistic expectations of me, because she told me last week that it should take me about 3 hours to finish keying the FE mixed invoices, not the nearly 6 hours that it took me. I was still finishing some invoices today, and that wasn't acceptable to her. Mind you, there were a TON of invoices that came without any kind of address information - in some cases, only a city, but no zip code. Now how in the hell am I supposed to figure out an address when the spreadsheet says nothing, and neither does the UPS website??

I told Michele that when I found my very first invoice like that, I asked Shelly what I should enter. And she told me that if there was no name and nothing specific, to enter 'unknown.' Well, I got a ton of invoices that were like that, and I just assumed I could keep going in there and entering unknown. WRONG. Michele told me I should have called her over when I finished and asked her all at once about things, and said that would have made the process go much more quickly. I told her that I disagreed, because it took time to track down ANY kind of information for each invoice that was blank. But would she hear that? NO. She said, "Shelly knows FE like the back of her hand, so that would have made it quicker."

So to prove my point even further, I brought the sheet with the list of all the FE mixed accounts and counted them...there were 80 of them. I asked, "On how many of these will we get invoices to key every week?" She said, "I don't know." (Which is bullshit.) And then I said, "Well, there are invoices for many of them. Maybe 70." Then I asked, "And how many invoices are on each one, on average?" Again she didn't know...more BS. So I told her there were about 5, and actually, that's a conservative guess. Then I took out my calculator and did the math right in front of her. 70 x 5 is 350 (invoices). Divide the number of invoices by 60 (minutes), and you come up with 5.8 (hours). So if I spend one minute on each invoice, it will take me nearly 6 hours to finish the work - which is exactly what I've been doing.

And you know what she actually said to this? "I don't care."

Fucking lovely.

My boss wasn't listening to what I was saying, even though it made perfect sense. Honest to God, she's blaming the problem on me, when she should *really* be investigating WHY UPS aren't sending us specific address information. Toward the end of the conversation she said she'd look into that. And I hope she does because otherwise she's blaming it on the wrong person. And I will NOT take her shit anymore.

I nearly walked off the job today after hearing all her bitching and moaning. Then she had the nerve to tell me I had an attitude problem - it's like, I wonder why? She nitpicks about so many things in such an assertive way, I feel the need to defend my actions and to speak up. I'm not a shrinking violet, no way. Try as I might, though, I kept my cool and managed to last the entire rest of the day. Michele left half-way through, so that made it much easier for me. I'm going to have to face her again tomorrow, and I'm not looking forward to it one bit. I need to talk to her to get some peace of mind. She'd said she might sit with me next week to watch me keying the FE invoices, which would be good.

So here's my plan of action: I'll ask Michele tomorrow if she still plans on sitting with me next week or not. I'll also ask if she thinks that the problem is related to UPS, or if it is strictly my problem. If she thinks it's me, then I'm sorry, it's not. I've thought long and hard about what I could do to make things better, but I can't fucking do my job if there aren't any addresses provided. I am ABSOLUTELY in the right here, and if she doesn't see that, fuck her. I mean, seriously. I'm willing to give her one more shot, but if I don't like what I hear tomorrow I'm going to give her my letter of resignation. I'm actually going to go write it right now. Who knows - I may never end up using it, I might use it tomorrow, or I might use it two months down the line. Either way, it will be the secret weapon I keep in my purse. If she fucks with me, she better prepare to deal with the consequences. I've learned a lot in these two months, and right now I'm valuable to the company because of the wealth of knowledge I learned in that short period of time. They will have to train someone all over again. So really, this is their loss, not mine. And the ball is in her court.

All I can say is, good luck Michele.

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in the lobby bar at The Royal Sands Resort in Cancun. In about 12 hours I'll be on a plane heading back to the United States. And it's sad, very sad. I'm going to miss all this sunshine! All the great food! And all the nice, friendly people. I hadn't a care in the world when I was down here (for the most part...I'll probably write about that later). Life just moves at a much more relaxed pace down here. I was so glad to escape the daily grind of Wooster, and hell, even Parma.

I had my last drink at the pool bar today for happy hour. I had a Happy Monkey, which has quickly turned into my favorite drink. It's got coconut milk, chocolate syrup, banana liqueur, and a bunch of other yummy things. They serve it to you in a coconut that's carved to look like a monkey with a hat on - it's adorable! I also had a Miami Vice (not nearly as good as I remember it being), a few pina coladas, a mojito, a couple margaritas, a Sex on the Beach, an amaretto sour, and a few other fruity drinks. Clearly my liver is not happy with me right now, haha! But it's okay. I figure I'm a pretty low-key drinker most of the time, so this really isn't a big deal. I'm a sucker for trying new drinks, you know. Especially the sweet kind!

Being down here is really a confidence-booster for me. The Mexican men seem to really like me. I get honks and whistles when I walk down the street in front of our resort! I get that every now and then back home, but I usually pay it no mind. I get so many looks from the guys down here, and they're so chivalrous...it's a good thing!

Just last night I went with J.J. to this club called Senor Frogs. I wasn't really looking forward to it because I've been enjoying spending my nights reading out on the porch, and I'm not exactly a "club girl." But I had a blast! Within a minute of me being there, this guy started dancing with me. He was kind of dark-skinned, so at first I thought he might have been a Mexican. But he turned out to be from New York, and boy did he have the accent to prove it! But Rob was great. We danced and talked about a bunch of different things, and he bought me drinks. I never once had to pay for my own, which was wonderful. I found myself wanting to break away after awhile to see if I could find some other good-looking guy to dance with, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Rob...he was just so entertaining!

I'm thinking that with this kind of reception from cute guys, I might start going to clubs much more often! The thing will be to find people to go with. I can think of one friend that would go with me, and another that might go with a whole lotta convincing. But other than that, I don't really know anyone that would be into that. Maybe I need to try that Meetup site some more and see if there are people with "clubbing" for an interest.

Well, it's about time I end this. I'm gonna go back to the room and do some reading up on the porch. I really am going to miss this place. :(

Ack! I'm feeling so many emotions right now, I don't even know what to do with them. I.S. Monday was GREAT overall. There was some bad with the good, but I'd rather discuss that later. Anyway. So Christa's class was fun. We talked about I.S. stuff for about 20 minutes before even getting to Audre Lorde, lol. I think it was probably the most informal class we've had yet. A few 'key' people didn't show up, so class was actually enjoyable! Roza was talking about how we should be able to talk about our sexual experiences if they're relevant to class discussion. I was like, "Uh...no. Save that for outside of class." And some other people, too, noted that they'd be uncomfortable with that. Rightly so. If ever it were possible to be *too* liberal, that girl fits the bill.

After class I joined Brandi, Ilana, Claire, Carrie and Chandi out in the lounge for some pre-I.S. drinking. It was excellent! I drank a Smirnoff and 2 peppermint pattie shots, one right after the other (and I had another Smirnoff earlier in the day, as well as the one I'm drinking now!). People were tearing through the halls and running to the Arch to celebrate. It was such a charged atmosphere! When we got there, everyone was cheering. I was happy; I started shouting out random things too, lol! I took a picture with the girls, with Patrick, Jackie, and a few other people. It was hard not to feel like a celebrity with all the underclassmen taking pictures of us, haha. It was one of the first times I felt comfortable on this campus in an atmosphere like that. I guess I never understood the appeal of the parade before, but I definitely do today, as a senior. What a proud, shining moment! I'm so glad I had my friends next to me, too.

But to tell you the truth, I'm not feeling too optimistic anymore. I'm pretty scared. I just had yet another fight with Erik. I went over to see him after the pizza party...I was in high spirits. When I got there, he was sleeping. But he woke up and we started talking. I could tell that he was depressed (he won't sleep in the middle of the day otherwise), and he had a paper sitting next to him that had a "C" grade, 79%. I guess that's almost a B, but he's on academic probation as it is. He needs A's and B's. The professor had written on there "learn to cite." Ouch! I looked it over, and could see that he really didn't know how to cite, and that he had several grammatical errors in the paper. I asked him why he didn't get help, because clearly he needed it. I tried broaching the subject as delicately as I could, but per usual he flipped out and told me to leave right away. I didn't. I tried talking it out, and eventually I was shouting at him. He wouldn't hear me.

Basically, my concern is this. If he continues to get bad grades this semester, he could very well be kicked out. If that happens, he'll likely have to stay with his family in Texas. I want him to finish college not only because it'll be an extra year for us both to be in Ohio together, but because I think it's not too ridiculous for me to want to marry another college graduate. I don't want to get stuck with someone who won't be able to get anything other than a job delivering a fucking pizza. I need better than that from him. He and I are a partnership, a team. And I feel like he's letting me down by letting his grades slip and doing NOTHING about it. He seldom admits when he needs help, and that's getting to be a huge problem. I think I could help him with his paper-writing quite a bit. But will he hear it? No.

He kept telling me to just break up with him, if that would make it easy for me. Breaking up is not easy. I want to give him a chance to prove himself, to graduate. But I also want an apology. I want to hear him say that he'll get help, that he'll work harder. I'm waiting for that. Until then, I'm not going to speak to him. It will be hard not calling him or visiting, but I'm hoping it won't last too long. I've got my own things to worry about, especially my huge workload this week. And next week I'll be in Cancun. I hate spending time apart from him when things are as unresolved as this, but I've done everything I possibly could. The ball is in his court now.

I got back from the Registrar's Office a few hours ago and got my button...I'm number 202!! That's a pretty awesome number, if I do say so myself. In some sense, I would have liked to have been in the top 100, but then that would make me just like the over-achieving pricks I hate so much at this school. I worked hard, and I think I did it right.

It was a pain in the ass waiting in line to get my I.S. bound at the bookstore. There was a line leading out the door, and it took me an hour to get through. I had a tummy ache after lunch (I think margaritas don't agree with me, which is good to know before tomorrow...), so standing in line was torture. I've never been much of a line person. I mean, I guess staring off into space is fun sometimes, but after a while I just can't take it anymore. Amazingly enough, there was absolutely no line at the Registrar's Office. While one of the ladies took my I.S., she said to me, "Oooh, a novel! That's the kind of project I'd like to do if I were doing I.S. It would be fun!" I told her it was, and you know, it kind of was. I'd been out of the habit of doing creative writing for quite some time, but I really enjoyed writing the scenes between Adrian and Tori. Maybe I have a calling as a cheesy romance novel writer? Ugh, I hate the sound of that. I LOVE reading plots with romance, but there's gotta be substance to them, too. Maybe I can write things in the vein of Jodi Picoult. She rocks.

Well, that turned out a little longer than I'd expected, lol. I'm going to try to finish reading Rita Will and maybe later I'll make a trip out to Walmart for some Smirnoffs for the big day tomorrow. ;)

Happy Easter, everyone!! I couldn't be happier, because I just finished I.S. last night!! Office Services opens around 4, so I'm gonna make a stop there to get my copies bound and right after that I'll drop them off at the Registrar's Office to get my pin and Tootsie Roll. What a relief to be done! I feel so accomplished, so proud of myself not only for making it through these past four years, but for finishing the biggest challenge of all - I.S. And I can actually say I've never pulled an all-nighter for it, either, though I came close on Friday night. Anyway, I'm just so happy! Today is shaping up to be a pretty relaxing day, overall. I still need to finish reading the Rita Mae Brown memoir for class tomorrow, but I'm being pretty casual about it. I'm sure I can fake it when it comes time to discuss it, lol! I'm so bad. ;)

Allright. I'm off to Erik's room. His Gram and Uncle Tim are going to be showing up soon and they're taking us out for brunch. Can't wait!

So I'm feeling more confident about finishing my novel. The end is in sight! I've got about 4 more scenes I need to write, and I'm going to try and tackle each one every day. It's getting pretty intense for me because I'm right at the climax, and I don't want to give things away too quickly, thereby cheapening it for the reader. Although I have to say that, because I'm so pressed for time (10 days and counting - eek!), my primary concerns are finishing on time and getting a good grade. I'm not hoping for honors because I think that's unrealistic. The Danny Caines and the Martha Dowells of the department will be getting those. But I would like to get Satisfactory, at the very least. I may not have the literary aptitude that the other young, brilliant minds in the English Department possess, but I worked DAMN hard on this. I just want it all to be done. :(

Meanwhile, I'm wondering how I'm going to get a tan in Cancun when we go in 2 weeks. My Irish skin just burns like bacon on a frying pan when I'm out in the sun for any length of time. I'm thinking about trying out tanning oil with a low SPF, and just applying it frequently. Clearly SPF 40 sunblock isn't the way to go, because I tan very, very little. I just want to have something that people will notice so I don't walk into classes the week after and have people say, "You're so pale! I thought you were in Cancun."

Not too much else is going on, aside from just really looking forward to the St. Patty's Day Parade in downtown Cleveland. I get to see my baby then, too. :) He'll be driving up to see me and from there we'll go to the parade. We went together 2 years ago with my Aunt Mary and some of Dad's cousins and had a blast. We would have gone last year, but we were both in Texas for spring break.

Allright, enough's enough. I'm going to relax a little and read before going to bed. I have lots of reading to catch up with for Queer Lives...

Damn. I almost forgot about this thing. Between Facebook and Myspace, sometimes I nearly forget that Live Journal exists and that I am, indeed, a part of the community.

So there's lots of new things going on in my life. The main thing is working on my I.S., which is a novel I've been writing for some time now and is due in just 12 days - AHHHHHHHH! Anyway, my story is about this girl, Tori, who moves into a neighborhood and begins working in an old factory building where she meets and falls in love with Adrian. Adrian is an elusive guy, though very charming. The book follows Tori trying to make sense out of Adrian and the disturbing history of the factory in which many people were systematically killed. I know I'm not describing it with much enthusiasm right now, but after being asked by everyone and their dog to tell them what I'm writing, I'm at a loss for words. I want to let my work speak for itself. I'm thinking about posting it here, chapter by chapter. If that idea appeals to you, comment me and let me know!

This Thursday my brother is supposed to go bar-hopping with his friends to celebrate his roommates' 21st birthday. Much to my surprise, he called me today and asked if I wanted to go with him. Sounds like it should be a pretty good time, so I said yes. Right now he's working out the details about who would be driving and all that. It will be a welcome break from all the stress.

Between finishing I.S., graduating, getting a job and getting into The Ohio Center for Broadcasting (OCB), I'm just about at my wit's end. I'm not sure how any of this is going to fit together. Meanwhile there's the ever-present worry about whether or not Erik's future will converge with mine or if the end is approaching. He could very well fail out of school, the way his grades are right now. If that's the case, he'll have to go right back to Texas. And I cringe when thinking about a long distance relationship. The only thing I know is that time will tell.

As I'm writing this now, it's nearly two weeks after the event(s). I'm referring to the weekend of July 27th, 2007. That Friday night, Erik and I were all set to go to the Adema concert. He had to work for Ansley the next day, so he was going to take me home afterwards and go back to Wooster. Well, unfortunately (or, possibly fortunately?) for me, I got into a HUGE argument with Mom about me wanting a digital camera for Christmas. We exchanged words, very loudly-spoken (I should say 'blood-curdling screamed') words. And right at the moment, Erik showed up. I collapsed in his arms by the side door, I was so worked up that I was in tears. But I pulled myself together to go back to my room. And Mom said to Erik really testily, "I would appreciate it if you'd take Heather back to Wooster with you because she is not welcome here this weekend. If she tries to come back, she will NOT have a place to stay." Wow.

So he had no problem taking me back to Wooster with him. I was a little upset because I was supposed to meet Kurt that night, a guy from the Rover's Morning Glory site that I've been on for a while. Kurt and I had been talking for a while about our mutual love of the Indians, and he wanted to take me to a game that Saturday. I didn't REALLY want to go with him, but I felt terrible about letting him down. When I was at the concert I texted him to let him know that my plans with him had fallen through and that I'd call him later to explain. And lucky for me, he was very understanding.

But yeah, the Adema concert was great!! We had to see 4 sucky bands before they came on, but when they did it was awesome. I swear, they played every single one of my favorite songs -- and then some! Lots of classics, and just a few new ones. That's the way I like it. ;) Dave kept coming over to me and Erik to play. Honestly, we were the only two that were really getting into it. Everyone else in the front row would put up their horns every now and then, usually at the end of the song...but Erik and I were doing it *HARDCORE*! I saw Tim grin almost as soon as they started playing the first song; same with Kris. I was singing along nearly the entire time, and you could just tell that they loved to hear their fans appreciate their stuff after all these years. (They came out with their first album in 2001, when I was 17...things were so different then!) And to make things even better, when they played their final song, "Giving In", Bobby said he wanted to pull all the hot girls onstage. I GOT TO BE ONSTAGE WITH ADEMA!!!! Man, I never thought I'd see the day!

And afterwards, I stuck around with Erik to get autographs and pictures with the guys. It took quite a while because their main priority was loading all their gear into their U-Haul and getting back on the road. I was very patient, and I know they appreciated it because they were very friendly and welcoming toward Erik and I when we approached them. I got pics and autographs of all of them!! They're my pride and joy, especially the pictures. Bobby, the new singer, chatted with Erik and I for a good 5 minutes or so. He was one of the most down-to-earth, humble rock stars I've ever met. And after that I was talking with Kris, and he tried shaking my hand in a kind of secret handshake that I didn't really get. So I told him I had another kind of secret handshake with my boyfriend, and he asked me to do it for him. So here I was showing Kris Kohls how to do The Handshake. It was a laugh for both of us! And sometime after that I met Dave. I gave him my CD booklet for signing but tried keeping my distance because I didn't wanna bug him. And right away he was like, "What's up? You're not like all over me." And I told him that I didn't want to get in his way. But he was like, "It's ok, sweetie. Come here!" I couldn't believe that one of my rockstar idols just called me sweetie! And he was just so nice about it. I saw him sign the booklet and he told me a little about the photo shoot they'd done for it. One of the photos was him laying down in the middle of a road in rural New Mexico, and he told me that it was so fun to shoot. :) Such nice guys, ALL of them!

At this point in the evening, it was already nearly 1 a.m. Erik and I made the trek back to Wooster, but not before picking up some Burger King and having me feed him. On the way there, I decided I was going to get my tattoo the very next day. We'd actually gone looking at Moving Pictures the week before when I was there, and I found a design I loved. I showed the girl behind the desk, who said they could do it so long as I came up with four points of difference. So I had my heart set on it then, but especially after having such an angry fight with my mom, I *KNEW* that would be the perfect time to get a tattoo. It was a way for me to reassert my independence, turn my body into art, as well as piss off my mom. How much better does it get? ;)

The next day, both of us got tattooed. Erik got a Celtic trinity symbol done in all black on his right forearm. I got that sun tattoo I've always wanted, with some alterations, between my shoulder blades. Erik's only took 1 hour, mine 2; and since I was the first to start, I didn't get to see him being worked on. I was so disappointed. :( But he's pretty sure he'll get another someday, and I'm vowing now to be there to see it when he gets it.

The tattooing process was actually a bit more painful than I expected. I told Lynn, my tattoo artist, that I felt like the Thanksgiving Day turkey! She cracked up, but seriously, it HURT. I've got a high threshold for pain, but I never realized how agonizing it would be to have that constant pain for 2 straight hours. I was grateful that they had DVDs there for me to watch. I picked out Pink Floyd's The Wall because I'd never seen it, and Erik is always raving about it. In the end, I had to look down at the floor because not only was I getting sleepy and wanting to put my head down, but I really didn't want to look at all the blood and gore of the film when I was getting all gored up, myself. ;)

And after getting the tattoos, Erik and I went back to his room and relaxed for pretty much the remainder of the weekend. On Sunday we went to the park to shoot some playful photos of us on the jungle gym and waste film so we could develop the photos of the Adema show and our tattoos. As soon as I got them developed we left for Cleveland again, and when I got home I went to work right away uploading them. Who knows. Maybe if I feel more comfortable sharing my identity on here eventually I'll post them. Then again, I guess if you really wanted to you could probably find out exactly who I am. I'm kind of boring, though...I'm thinking it's not really worth the trouble. ;) j/k

Allright, it's time for me to go. My fingers are getting sore, and I'm sure your eyes are getting tired of reading all this crap. ;) Thhhh-thhh-thh, that's all, folks!

Hello all in blog-land! Just a little update of sorts.

I had a really great weekend, between spending lots of quality time with my family and getting a surprise visit in with Erik. It started on Friday night, my Mom's birthday. My brother came home unexpectedly for it, so we all went out to the Hibachi restaurant which we've been going to for birthdays for about a year now. I had my usual filet mignon and Love Potion to drink, which was all kinds of fruity-alcoholy-goodness. I loved it! And then, sufficiently buzzed when leaving the restaurant, we took off for Edgewater to go fishing again. Mom insisted on sitting in the car and reading for most of the time, but eventually she came out to watch us. This time it was a bit more disappointing because there was no huge rush of fish like there was when Dad and I went on Monday that week. Dad and Jay were waiting for the rush, so they weren't casting out their line too much. I kept doing it, though. The way I see it, it's not only keeping me busy, but it's giving me practice. And in that 'practice' time, I managed to catch 3 fish - the most between me, Dad and Jay! I actually caught the first, the most, and the biggest. So I'd say I won. :P

And on Sunday I planned on just being lazy. But what I did was even better. Erik called kind of unexpectedly and told me his camp was having a picnic for all the kids' families and said that I'm his family, so I should be there. How sweet was that?? :) It about melted my heart, and I was missing him so much that I gladly went. Truth be told, I had been kind of confused about our relationship for that whole week...just wasn't sure if I had feelings for him anymore or not. This will *always* happen to me after going for long periods of time not seeing him, then being thrown together constantly immediately afterward. It's like I get too much at once, and I almost get sick of him. I know...I don't even get it, myself! I'm a weirdo.

Getting back to the story, though. If I had any doubts about my feelings for him or his for mine, this visit completely erased them. The physical attraction and the love and affection between us was SO real. We went to the picnic, but after being there a short time decided that there were *other* things to be tended to, lol. We told people we were going for a walk, but that walk brought us right back to his bed. And the sex was wonderful! I nearly cried, I was feeling so much love for him right afterward. Never more have I felt like I never wanted to be parted from his side.

Anyway, after that we went back to the picnic for a couple hours. When campers started to leave with their parents we went back to his room again to watch some funny videos on his computer. I was still a bit, uh, *excited*, shall we say? ;) So we went at it again, but I know he was exhausted. And after it was done and I was dressed, I stood in front of him brushing my hair. We had this wonderful moment where I caught him looking at me dreamily. He told me, "You're just so beautiful." And for one of the first times in my life, I felt beautiful. *Really* beautiful. I think Erik is the only person on the planet that can make me feel that way. I really do.

But yeah, that's how the weekend went down. This week has been interesting, especially since on Monday night I got an IM from a guy I went to high school with a long time ago. He told me he'd always liked me back then and wondered why we'd never hooked up. Damn...I wish I'd knew then, you know? Now he's all the way in Nevada and I've got a boyfriend, so it's just a little too late. Nonetheless, I know that this guy really likes me now...and it's really fun chatting with him and getting all kinds of compliments from him. I'm going to have to watch and make sure I'm not stringing him along or giving him any kind of false hope, though...I told him right off the bat I had a serious boyfriend. So we'll see.

One last thing, I promise! So I saw a pic of this guy's ex-girlfriend's sun and moon tattoo and it was AMAZING. I've been looking for the perfect sun/moon tattoo for years, actually, and never was able to find exactly the right one for me. I'm very meticulous. But this tattoo was just amazing! I've got the pic saved on my computer and now I'm planning on finding the right tattoo artist to get it drawn up and done. More details to come on that plan later!

Now I'm going to fool around a bit more and then get my shower. I'm very tired. Goodnight, kiddies!

I had the most fun I've had in a really long time on Monday night! And you'll never guess doing what:

White bass fishing with my dad.

Fishing has been a lifelong hobby for my dad and it's brought him lots of fun over the years, although he didn't go very often after his best fishing buddy (his father-in-law, my Grandpa) died back in 1990. He used to go nearly every weekend back then, but soon after Grandpa's death he docked the boat in our driveway, where it sat for a good 5 years or so. And even though we don't have the boat anymore, Dad and I had just as much fun sitting by the rocks of Edgewater Park fishing the other night.

I can count the number of times I've been fishing in my life on one hand. But I love it. I've always loved doing outdoorsy things with Dad, and we did a lot of them when I was a kid and we were in the YMCA's Indian Princess program. (An excellent program where dads and daughters go camping, do overnighters at Chucky Cheese's, and do all kinds of fun events together. And hey, if Erik's the one I'm going to marry, I'm going to insist he does the program with our daughter(s)!)

Anyway, to get back on track here...the last time I was fishing, I was probably about 10 or so. And it was boring to me because it was your traditional cast-and-wait kind of fishing. I don't even think I was casting my line back then because hey, I was just your average young white girl with NO aim, lol. But now that I'm 22 I think I'm slightly better (I did manage to 'catch' the back of my shirt as well as my purse, but I'm proud to report no severe injuries!), so I learned how to cast in no time.

Dad explained the method of white bass fishing to me: you cast, you reel in. Repeat. Simple! I loved it, because even though I wasn't catching fish for the first 2 hours, I was constantly doing something. I never got bored. But yes, you heard me right. *2 hours* and no fish. A couple of expert fishers came over to my dad and said that the fish would start to bite around 9 p.m., just after sunset. And BOY were they right!! When the fish were biting, nearly every single time I cast out I'd get a bite!

I caught FIVE fish that night!! All on my own, no assistance from my dad except to get the fish off the hook because, trust me, that part is DANGEROUS. I know from previous experience. But yes, I caught five fish, including the biggest one between my dad and I! He gave that one as well as one of my others to the guy that had given him the fishing tip about waiting. We threw back the other 3. I wanted to touch one, so I did. And I know this sounds absurd, but the fish looked really cute to me. I felt like the ones I caught were 'mine' like a pet, in a sense, but I was actually really glad to let them back into the Lake again. It almost makes you feel like God, you know? "It is not yet your time, fish. Go back home!"

So yeah, some good ol' quality dad and daughter time was had that night. It's still hard to get my dad to open up to me (he's a very quiet man lately), but I could tell that he had a good time. Actually, I really wouldn't mind going every week. Maybe I'll suggest that to him later. He needs to get out more than I do, but I'm definitely experiencing cabin fever now that I'm working 8 to 5 in an office every day.

Back to nature. Isn't it great? :)

Today it was back to work for me once again. I've been working at the Seven Up bottling plant for a little over a month this summer, and for the most part, I really like it. I work with two old ladies, Sharon and Cathy. Sharon's kind of scary sometimes...from what little I know of her, I know that her husband divorced her a long time ago and left her with 3 kids (one of which died not long ago), and her daughter got knocked up twice by a guy that has yet to marry her. Sharon's had a tough life, and it shows in her personality sometimes. She's quick to condemn, gripes loudly and often, but she's also got the biggest, most wonderful laugh I've ever heard. I think generally she likes me, so we get along fairly well. I didn't think we would at first because she listens to the country music station on her radio ALL DAY LONG. And for those of you who didn't know, I used to hate country. Well, not really *hate* it like I hate hip hop, but it's just not something I'd ever want to listen to. But just after a few days, Sharon made me a country music convert. It's really great to hear her singing these songs around the office...I can tell that they brighten her day, and they inevitably do the same for me.

Today was Cathy's first day back after a week off. And boy, did I miss her! She's just so pleasant to be around. She and I warmed up to each other right away. Unlike Sharon, she's got a very delicate touch when it comes to training. She never barked at me when I made mistakes, and we've always worked as a team at figuring out the K-Mart and Tops invoices. (When I say that, I mean making adjustments. That's pretty much the main gist of my job duties, and I love it!) Also, she gives me plenty of adjustments to make on my own, which gives me lots of tranquil alone time in my own cubicle doing the work I enjoy. I especially missed Cathy this week, though, because while she was on vacation, I was forced to take on the daunting task of route accounting while another woman, Denise, was on vacation. Denise normally does the route accounting, and she trained me all during the week before she left. You'd think that a week of training would be plenty, but this was literally the job from hell! Doing the Cleveland routes was fine because our cashier, Roz, was usually wonderful about balancing the routes before I'd get to them. But I also had to do Midvale, Youngstown, and Akron. Akron was fine, but the other two warehouses kept botching up their stuff, leaving me with HUGE messes to clean up. I did what I could and asked Sharon and my boss Sue for help when I needed it, and overall there were really only two things I couldn't figure out. I left those with Denise this morning (welcome baaaaaack!) and was worried that she'd be really confused and angry with me for letting things slip, but she took the stuff without questions and brought back the stacks for me to file when she was done. So mission accomplished! I made it through my most difficult week at Seven Up. From here on it should be relatively smooth sailing. I can't tell you how happy I was to be doing invoices all day today! The hours just flew by, and I was so thrilled to go home at the end of it all.

Today was another milestone for me because I trusted Cathy with telling her about mine and Erik's open-relationship policy. From the beginning she's been asking me all kinds of questions about my boyfriend...she really takes an interest in me, I think. So I've shared a lot with her about him to begin with, like when a couple weeks ago I told her about my decision to stay with him despite his cheating on me. And to my surprise, she not only didn't condemn me for it, but told me I'd probably done the smart thing because we both still meant the world to each other and didn't want to separate. Finally, someone who sees my point of view!

But as for the milestone, today I told Cathy about our decision to "date" (okay, really 'fuck') other people. And again, she was not condemning. She told me that she hated it when people frowned on others for their choices, because she, herself, was mistreated when she was young because she was an unwed mother. I can only imagine how much grief she endured during that time...and even after! So when I explained to her my reasons for doing it (see previous blog), she said she thought they seemed sound to her. And maybe now she'll understand my huge crush on the copy machine boy, Kevin. ;) More on him later!

Now it's time for me to get a shower. Either that or call Erik. I haven't decided yet. I'm such a lazyass tonight!